CARTA DE CARLOS LOBON. SI, DESDE EL CIELO

Categoría: Ronda 68
Enviado: 2014-10-15 08:24

Enviado: 2009-05-27 16:53

Queridos rondeños:
Perdonad que haya tardado un poco en escribiros pero, como comprenderéis, hasta que no me he instalado totalmente no he tenido tiempo para nada. Sé que estaréis impacientes por conocer como es esto, por eso os voy a relatar mi experiencia.
En primer lugar comentaros que llegué aquí arriba empapado a pesar de que el vagón que me transportaba estaba cubierto, por lo cual, lo primero que pensé fue en todos los que vinisteis a despedirme cómo llegaríais a casa, pero bueno, sé que, por otra parte os vino bien para camuflar vuestras lágrimas que se confundían con las gotas de agua que se deslizaban por vuestros rostros, menos el “jodío” cura que tenía que dar la salida para mi “tren” que como tenía paraguas y pocas veces se había encontrado con tanto público, como él mismo reconoció, aprovechó la ocasión para lavar de pecado a tanta gente, pero bueno, pasemos a contaros mi llegada al Cielo.
Yo esperaba que sería recibido multitudinariamente al igual que en mi despedida, pues en el camino fui haciendo memoria de los seres queridos que me encontraría aquí arriba y me llevé un chasco cuando me encuentro a una figura impecablemente vestida de blanco que me dio la bienvenida muy correctamente y me entregó un maletín en el que venía una especie de ordenador portátil en el que podría consultar por cielonet, y una indumentaria idéntica a la que portaba el mensajero; me indicó un lugar para cambiarme y me dijo que cuando estuviera listo le avisara.
Tardé cinco minutos en salir seco y hecho un dandy y el mensajero, que resultó ser el arcángel Rafael -aquí se omite el tratamiento de San, porque se supone que todos somos santos-, me dijo que nos esperaba Pedro para la recepción. Me condujo a un jardín donde habían preparado un cocktail para todos los que llegamos ese día. Le pregunté al camarero que si tenían “Vega Sicilia” y me contestó sonriendo que aquí tenían de todo, y especialmente de ese vino pues era el preferido del Jefe. De repente se me acerca Pedro sonriente (yo lo reconocí enseguida por las barbas blancas lo cual fue un alivio pues yo no sabía si el bigote que me había dejado podría seguir llevándolo) y me dio una gran alegría el saber que no tendría que prescindir de él; acto seguido me estrechó fuertemente hasta el punto de que temí por mis costillas, y me dijo:
--Bienvenido al Cielo, te saludo a tu peculiar manera para que sepas que te hemos seguido de cerca. Antes de nada, quiero que sepas que en tu compartimento han encontrado un escudo donde ponía Patronato Militar de Ronda, y como supuse que te gustaría conservarlo, le pedí a un amigo tuyo que te lo guardara, así que te dejo con él que será tu cicerone a partir de ahora.
Acto seguido apareció Honorio, luciendo el escudo en su indumentaria y con la misma sonrisa con que le recordábamos, amplia enseñando una perfecta dentadura, y con el tupé de antaño, lo que me provocó una cierta envidia.
Nos fundimos en un abrazo, y comencé a someterle a un interminable interrogatorio sobre todas las cuestiones que se me ocurrían. El no dejaba de reír pidiéndome calma y me dijo que teníamos todo el tiempo del mundo para resolver mis inquietudes. Comenzó respondiéndome a lo que más me preocupaba: conocer el estado de mi familia, mis amigos y si desde aquí se podía hacer algo por echarles una mano.
- En primer lugar, me dijo Honorio, quiero que sepas que por medio de cielonet, puedes estar al corriente de todo lo que ocurre en el Purgatorio, que es como aquí llamamos al mundo del que vienes. Sabrás, que cuando termina tu periodo de prueba en el Purgatorio, si lo has superado, subes directamente al Cielo, y si no, tu tren, en lugar de tomar este camino hubiera tomado el del centro de la tierra donde se encuentra el Infierno. Puedes velar por los tuyos pero no interferir en sus vidas, porque les privarías del don del libre albedrío, aunque de vez en cuando nos está permitido enviarles alguna señal para alertarles de que no van el camino correcto, pero siempre serán ellos los que decidan.
En ese mismo momento, apareció una Paloma y le dije a Honorio: ¡Coño, no me digas que aquí también se puede practicar la caza!, a lo que Honorio, borrando su sonrisa me respondió: Ese es el Espíritu Santo, y como se te ocurra sacar la escopeta te mandan al Infierno por terrorista, y aunque ya sé que en Valladolid tenías un palomar, ni se te ocurra mencionarlo, porque ya nos costó bastante a Pedro y a mi convencerle de que no tenías nada en contra de su familia, sino todo lo contrario: les habías construido una casa para darles cobijo.
-Oye, ¿aquí se juega al futbolín?
Pues claro que si, me contestó Honorio, y además de manera muy especial porque puedes elegir a tu propia selección de jugadores, Encontrarás que es diferente al de Guillermo, pues aquí los jugadores son de oro, las barras de plata y el balón… pues como va a ser, de cuero. Pero a lo que más jugamos es a “las chinas”.
-Querrás decir a “los chinos”.
-No, no, a “la chinas”. Mira es muy sencillo; ¿te acuerdas cunado nos asomábamos al “balcón del coño” y tirábamos piedras para ver a donde caían?, pues esto es lo mismo, pero en lugar de piedras lanzamos una especie de pompas amarillas, de ahí lo de “chinas,” y al que le da al caer, sube al Cielo.
Normalmente, los mortales pueden presentirlas y esquivarlas, por eso a la mayoría de los que le toca “la china”, suelen ser bebes y ancianos que tienen menos movilidad; hay otros que juegan con ellas a esquivarlas como si fueran toreros, hasta que les coge el toro como te ocurrió a ti. Sabemos que a los de abajo no les gusta el juego, porque les privamos de sus seres queridos, pero nosotros lo hacemos con la mejor intención ya que les aliviamos el tiempo de Purgatorio. Por eso cuando nos llegan las plegarias y quejas del porqué ha tenido que llevarse a una persona buena y no a una mala, pues simplemente porque le ha tocado “la china”.
-¿Y si le cae a una mala persona?
-Pues entonces lo manda directamente al Infierno
-Y además de jugar ¿qué es lo que se hace aquí a lo largo del día?, te lo digo porque mi trabajo es de médico como bien sabes, y hasta ahora me he encontrado con gente muy sana que no creo que necesiten de mis servicios.
Honorio, recuperó su sonrisa y me dijo: “No te preocupes Carlos, que aquí se viene a disfrutar y no tendrás tiempo para aburrirte. Puedes gozar de la mejor biblioteca, los mejores museos, todo tipo de restaurantes, playas, practicar deportes en plenitud de facultades, y, en definitiva, de todos los placeres de los que disfrutabas en la tierra sin miedo a cometer excesos.
¿Has dicho de todos los placeres?
Si, eso es lo que he dicho, ¿por qué me hace esa pregunta?
Bueno… ya sabes que en el Purgatorio se hablaba mucho del “sexo de los ángeles”, y la verdad es que ese tema no lo tengo muy claro.
- Pues investiga, hijo, investiga… Aquí todo se disfruta en plenitud, es decir todas las experiencias son lo que tú llamarías orgásmicas, con lo cual nos hemos evitado todos los problemas que traían consigo el sexo: los embarazos no deseados, el aborto, el SIDA… Por otra parte, imagínate el conflicto que nos habría creado los embarazos, ya que al nacer en el Cielo serían ciudadanos de pleno derecho, y contravendrían una de las normas esenciales, como es la de disfrutar del Paraíso sin haber pasado por el Purgatorio.
- Ya veo que tengo mucho que aprender.
- Oye, por cierto, todas esas luces que estaban instalando en los jardines y esa cantidad de preparativos ¿a que se debe?
- Están preparando el cumpleaños del Jefe, el 24 de diciembre.
- ¡Ah!, claro; ¿y qué se le regala?
- Nada, tiene de todo, así que nos limitamos a cantarle villancicos; ya sabes, lo de “los peces en el río” y lo de “la marimorena”, que yo no me explico por qué, después de 21 siglos, le sigue haciendo gracia.
- ¡Para apagar las 2008 velas ya tiene que soplar!
- ¿No has oído hablar del Soplo Divino?
- Si, pero creí que eso lo utilizó para la creación del hombre.
- Y para la de huracanes, tempestades, diluvios… también la utilizaba para esto de apagar velas, pero a medida que crecían, tenía que aumentar la intensidad del soplo, y el año pasado nos puso a todos “de merengue” hasta las cejas, así que hemos decidido que las apaguen “los bomberos”.
- ¡Ah!, ¿pero aquí hay bomberos?.
- No, hombre, les llamamos así a los “pelotas” que soplan para ayudar al Jefe en lo de las velas.
- ¡Joder!, pues ahora que me acuerdo, hablando de celebraciones, yo he dejado colgados a mis amigos para la cena que teníamos prevista el 26, para celebrar las Navidades; bueno irá Lys en representación mía y me disculpará.
- No te preocupes, que ahora le decimos a Pedro que te haga un justificante y tus amigos lo entenderán.

- Por cierto, mi dirección de correo, por si me queréis escribir:
- mailto:carloslobon@elcielo.net

Ya sabéis donde me tenéis, y ahora os dejo que tengo que ir al “cumple”, aunque me han advertido que ni se me ocurra darle un tirón de orejas al Jefe, porque conociendo mi ímpetu me puedo quedar con la oreja en la mano y lo mismo me empiezan a corear lo de ¡Torero! ¡Torero!.
Seguimos en contacto. Ya os contaré más anécdotas, para que no os coja de pardillos, como a mi, la llegada al Cielo. Un fuerte abrazo para todos y ¡¡¡FELIZ NAVIDAD!!!
Os quiere:
Carlos

P/D: Cuidadme a Lys, y no quiero ni una lágrima el día 26. No brindéis a mi salud porque no lo necesito, sino por MI. Yo si brindaré a la vuestra.
Juanito, cuando te fumes el puro, exhala con fuerza el humo para que me llegue aquí arriba.
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